E-Mails
Check out the latest comedy e-mails making there way to in inbox near you.
A little boy about 12 years old is walking down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of 'a house of ill repute' and knocked on the door.
When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.He said, 'I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it.
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, 'Do any of the girls have any diseases?' Of course the Madam said 'No'.
The boy said, 'I heard all the men talking about having to get shots aftermaking love with Amber - THAT'S the girl I want'.Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed outthe door.
The Madam stopped him and asked, 'Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?'
He said, 'Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the disease.Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and HE'S the prick that ran over my frog....
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Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about White Wine.
White Wine is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident
about yourself and your actions. White Wine can help ease you out of
your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to
do just about anything.
You will notice the benefits of White Wine almost immediately, and with
a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent
you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will
be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew
you had. Stop hiding and start living, with White Wine.
However, White Wine may not be right for everyone. Women who are
pregnant or nursing should not use White Wine.
However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are
encouraged to try it.
Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration,
erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of
money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing,
headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play
all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.
WARNING:
The consumption of White Wine may make you think you are whispering when
you are not.
The consumption of White Wine is a major factor in dancing like a idiot.
The consumption of White Wine may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that
you love them. The consumption of White Wine may cause you to think you can sing.
The consumption of White Wine may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are
really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
The consumption of White Wine may make you think you can logically
converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
The consumption of White Wine may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
The consumption of White Wine may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
The consumption of White Wine may be a major factor in getting your ass kicked.
NOW JUST IMAGINE WHAT YOU COULD ACHIEVE WITH RED WINE!
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The best out of offices ever....
1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.
3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged £5.99 for the first ten words and £1.99 for each additional word in your message.
7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'
( The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many individuals did this over and over).
8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.
11: I've run away to join a different circus.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:
12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.
When I return, please refer to me as ' Loretta' instead of 'Steve ' !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!